Perspective...

Last night, my daughter refused to eat a chocolate covered strawberry that was offered to her. "Dad," she whispered to me, "I don't want to eat a dirty strawberry."

When she was offered an ice cream bar last night, it seemed that "dirty" ice cream is acceptable.

So long and thanks for all the fish....

*sniff*

[sic]

I received a letter today from a local restaurant. I have removed the restaurant's name to protect the stupid.

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Congratulations.....YOU'RE ARE ALWAYS WINNER...at XYZ!
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.
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To redeem this offer, simply present this letter,(not to exceed $3.99) your server when you order at your local XYZ.
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.
.

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The General Manager of the restaurant even bothered to hand sign it. All in all, it was a very professional looking letter. Do I highlight it when I return it? Do I add proper proof reading notation?

Colorado

Yeah - I hate these emails just as much as the next guy, but this one actually struck a chord.

You know when you're from Colorado if:

• You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
• The weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.
• It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be canceled.
• You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
• You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you make fun of them.
• "Humid" is over 25%.
• Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.
• You say "the Interstate" and everybody knows which one.
• You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard, and you grew up planning your halloween costumes around your coat.
• You know what the Continental Divide is.
• You don't think Coors beer is that big a deal.
• You went to Casa Bonita as a child.
• You bought your car from John Elway.
• You were tear gassed at college and you can't even remember why.... something about football...
• You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
• You always know the elevation of where you are.
• You know that there are two kinds of Colorado Girls: those who shave, and those who don't.
• You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.
• You don't care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High.
• You know that Colfax is a street you would most likely find a hooker.
• You get pissed off when people confuse Colorado with Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming, or "one of those other big square states out west."
• When you hear that the Chiefs and the Raiders are having bad seasons,you laugh uncontrollably.
• Every movie theater has military and student discounts.
• Everybody wears jeans to church.
• You actually know that South Park is a real place not just a show on TV.
• You know what a "trust fund hippy" is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder.
• You know you're talking to a fellow Coloradan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags.
• You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
• Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the crap out of the Raiders.
• You know there are different types of snow, and you know not all types are good for sledding, snowballs, or snowmen.
• You've experienced shoveling a driveway, but once you finish, you have to start right over.
• You've been to the original Chipotle near the DU campus on Evans.
• When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
• You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
• At least one family member has some 4 wheel drive vehicle.
• The weather channel calls for snow so you plan a snowboarding/ski trip for the next day and know that a coat won't be necessary because it won't be cold enough.
• You don't even bother checking the news for school cancellations unless you can only see solid white outside your window and your front door won't open.
• You were taught to drive in the snow before you got your license.

And you thought 'Episode I' sucked....

Well, I have just finished watching the Star Wars Holiday Special. (I am quite aware that most of you have never even heard of this disaster in the Star Wars archives.) I was one of those who started watching it 29 years ago and was forced to shut it off by an older brother who thought that it was too stupid to watch....

So, for 29 years I have wondered what I had missed. For about 15 years, I was totally in the dark and actually slightly bitter at my brother - then, thanks to the Internet, geeks around the world began to circulate this awful show on VHS - discussing how awful it was and telling stories of how horribly drunk the cast was.

This year I actually met somebody who admitted to owning a copy. And against my better judgement, I talked him into letting me see it. I have to say that it didn't live down to the awful standard that had proceeded it. I wouldn't say that I actually enjoyed it - but I understand why my brother shut it off. And I understand why it only aired once. And I understand why George Lucas wants to hunt down every bootleg copy of it and destroy it. (To his defense, George's name was nowhere near the credits.)

It is a typical 70s holiday special set in the Star Wars universe. There are lots of other stars doing song and dance numbers. But since it was in a galaxy far far away, there was no Christ for Christmas and so all of the songs were cheesey, new-agey "Life Day" songs. And in typical 70s holiday special style, there was a very disjointed and stupid story line kind of holding the whole thing together. (Sorry, I'm running out of appropriate adjectives here)

I think that the worse part was that the center of action was Chewbacca's family (wife, son and father) and there were no subtitles - just random grunts followed by signs and jestures so that the audience could sort of follow the plot, if they so desired. They could have shortened to whole thing to one hour (yes, shortened - from about two full hours without commercials) by using subtitles. Also to add to character development, they showed some features of the Wookee home and "Life Day presents" which, if removed, could have shortened it to maybe 15 minutes - which is about all it is worth. And a 15 minute show isn't really worth watching, so save yourself some time.

Truly a great argument against non-religious celebration of religious holidays, broadcast television, and drinking.

Thanks Tone

For those who have been paying attention....

In 2002 and 2003, Microsoft released their most recent versions of Windows and Office. Since then, the Reseach and Development team has basically started from the ground up and spent a great majority of their time researching how their software and operating system are actually used and not just how Microsoft thinks their product should be used. They have taken this research and greatly improved on the most used functions and made improvement on ease of use in these specific areas.

No wonder solitaire now ROCKS!

;)

Still waiting...

So, my last post was about my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.... It's turned into a month or two.

I noticed today that there is still snow in my parking spot from 3 months ago....

My last week has been particularly awful....

Next week is break - so I get to spend time "relaxing" (aka cleaning the basement, fixing cars, fixing computers, writing computer programs and installing servers - all while being attacked by a 20 mo. and an almost 4 year old kid). My break is over and I don't even remember having it yet....

Oh - and there's a birthday in there somewhere too I guess....

Hoping for a good few days in there somewhere....

Australia here I come...

I know this is a reference that not everybody's going to get, but: Alexander's daddy has had a terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad week.

My Song....

Hey look - somebody wrote me a song! (All except the bubblewrap part...)

The parable of the water bottles

I went to my car this morning and there was a water sitting by itself in the cup holder next to the driver's seat. Since it was only 4 degrees outside, it was solid ice and could only be used to kill small rodents. However, behind the seats I had a package of 24 other water bottles - same size and same conditions as the water bottle by the drivers seat, however, since they were together in a bundle, the ice inside the bottle was thin and with very little effort, was drinkable.

Last summer, the water bottle next to the driver's seat was hot and horrible to taste. However, again the water in the bundle, although not exactly wonderful, was refreshing enough on a hot day.