Red vs Blue

Simmons: Do you ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: One of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a God, watching everything. You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.
Simmons: What? I mean why are we out here, in this canyon.
Grif: Uh... Oh... Yeah...
Simmons: What's all this stuff about God?
Grif: Uh... um... Nothing.
Simmons: Seriously, though. Why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.
Grif: Mm-hm.
Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red base here is 'cause they have a Blue base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue base over there is 'cause we have a Red base here.
Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other
Simmons: No, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-dee-@$&#* doo.

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Simmons: His armour is PINK.
Church: Pink? I wouldn't say pink. More of a... slightly less red.
Simmons: It's pink, okay? I know pink when I see it!

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O'Malley: I agree! Except, replace the word "non" with "extremely".

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Sarge: May I introduce the our new light reconnaissance vehicle! It has four-inch armour plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
Sarge: Because "M12LRV' is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Grif: No, but... Why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
Sarge: Say that again.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Simmons: You mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No. Like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion.
Sarge: You're makin' that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal.
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: [Points at front of the Warthog] Look, see these two tailhooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?

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Sarge: Simmons, Grif, we're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die.
Grif: Wait! I think today is actually a good day to RETREAT. Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?
Simmons: Yeah... let's all take dying as an open-action item, and come back with suggestions next meeting.

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Caboose: [Trying to calm Andy down, to stop him from exploding] Come on Andy, think of a happy place. What makes you feel happy?
Andy The Bomb: ...being in the middle of big explosion!
Church: Less happy place, less happy!

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Simmons: A good password should contain at least one letter and one number. For example, your password would be '2dumb2live'.