Dilbert Quotes in corporate America

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
   (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
   
2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
   (Lykes Lines Shipping)
   
3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
   (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
   
4. "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
   (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
   
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
   (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
   
6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
   (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
   
7. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected.
   (CIO of Dell Computers)
   
8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
   (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
   
9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
   (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
   
10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
    (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

For a' that

by Robert Burns (best read with a Scottish accent)

Is there, for honest poverty,
That hings his head, an' a' that?
The coward slave, we pass him by,
We dare be poor for a' that!
For a' that, an' a' that,
Our toils obscure, an' a' that;
The rank is but the guinea's stamp;
The man's the gowd for a' that,

What tho' on hamely fare we dine,
Wear hoddin-gray, an' a' that;
Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine,
A man's a man for a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
Their tinsel show an' a' that;
The honest man, tho' e'er sae poor,
Is king o' men for a' that.

Ye see yon birkie, ca'd a lord
Wha struts, an' stares, an' a' that;
Tho' hundreds worship at his word,
He's but a coof for a' that:
For a' that, an' a' that,
His riband, star, an' a' that,
The man o' independent mind,
He looks and laughs at a' that.

A prince can mak a belted knight,
A marquis, duke, an' a' that;
But an honest man's aboon his might,
Guid faith he mauna fa' that!
For a' that, an' a' that,
Their dignities, an' a' that,
The pith o' sense, an' pride o' worth,
Are higher rank than a' that.

Then let us pray that come it may,
As come it will for a' that,
That sense and worth, o'er a' the earth,
May bear the gree, an' a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
It's coming yet, for a' that,
That man to man, the warld o'er,
Shall brothers be for a' that.

My apologies... I just had to post it - Pry 'cause I've delt with a couple o' coof this week m'self.

Staying busy...

Have you ever considered how 2200 students get placed into 300 classes most with multiple sections, but some with just one or two, with as few overlaps as possible? I don't anymore. It is called master scheduling and it is similar to a 3-D version of Tetris or a 35,000 piece puzzle where each piece is the same color.

The joys of teaching...

Over-Sciencing Miracles

Scientist finds Jesus might have walked on ice. So, I guess the miracle is that the disciples were able to take a boat all the way across a frozen lake.

Moses more likely crossed the Sea of Reeds So, I guess the miracle here is the Pharoah and his army was wiped out by three inches of water.

Boycott Daylight Savings Time

I am not a morning person. I tell people that they can get bright or early - with me, you will never get both. If you need me to be bright, you don't want to see me before 8:30. With Daylight Savings, it doesn't come until 9:30.

Now, I can cite 2 instances of high school students being hit by cars during the first week of daylight savings on their ways to school - one was a friend of mine in high school and the other was a student involved in our youth group. However, it seems that people are more interested in saving energy than the safety and learning capacity of students. Isn't that why school starts at 7:20 anyway?

So let me just say that Daylight Savings Time only makes me turn on my air conditioner earlier in the day and irritates me greatly - and that either way, I go to bed at about the same time. I think that the irritation that it causes all of us "non-morning" people is not worth the little (if any) energy that is saved.

I like how the ProDST people like to blame the whole concept on farmers and ranchers. I have never met a farmer or rancher that really cared at all about what a clock says. And I've never seen a rooster "springing forward".

So here's my opinion: How about if all the people that want to, just wake up an hour earlier and let me sleep!

Have a nice day, I'm going back to bed . . .

Look what I just found!

The guys at ThinkGeek.com appear to be ahead of the game this year!

Isn't it BEAUTIFUL?

So, Katrina was doing paints at Grandma's house today. After she painted the above shape, she pointed out to her mommy, "It's pi mommy!"

My Birthday Present

Yeah - she loves me...

Red vs Blue

Simmons: Do you ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: One of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a God, watching everything. You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.
Simmons: What? I mean why are we out here, in this canyon.
Grif: Uh... Oh... Yeah...
Simmons: What's all this stuff about God?
Grif: Uh... um... Nothing.
Simmons: Seriously, though. Why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.
Grif: Mm-hm.
Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red base here is 'cause they have a Blue base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue base over there is 'cause we have a Red base here.
Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other
Simmons: No, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-dee-@$&#* doo.

---

Simmons: His armour is PINK.
Church: Pink? I wouldn't say pink. More of a... slightly less red.
Simmons: It's pink, okay? I know pink when I see it!

---

O'Malley: I agree! Except, replace the word "non" with "extremely".

---

Sarge: May I introduce the our new light reconnaissance vehicle! It has four-inch armour plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
Sarge: Because "M12LRV' is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Grif: No, but... Why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
Sarge: Say that again.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Simmons: You mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No. Like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion.
Sarge: You're makin' that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal.
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: [Points at front of the Warthog] Look, see these two tailhooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?

---

Sarge: Simmons, Grif, we're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die.
Grif: Wait! I think today is actually a good day to RETREAT. Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?
Simmons: Yeah... let's all take dying as an open-action item, and come back with suggestions next meeting.

---

Caboose: [Trying to calm Andy down, to stop him from exploding] Come on Andy, think of a happy place. What makes you feel happy?
Andy The Bomb: ...being in the middle of big explosion!
Church: Less happy place, less happy!

---

Simmons: A good password should contain at least one letter and one number. For example, your password would be '2dumb2live'.